Initiate Chats & Make Friends at Expat Events

Do you find yourself at expat events, drink in hand, observing conversations rather than joining them? Perhaps you're waiting for someone to approach you, feeling a pang of disappointment when they don't, or a surge of anxiety at the thought of initiating conversations yourself. This common experience, often rooted in the fear of social awkwardness or rejection, can be a major barrier to making friends in a new city. But what if a few simple shifts in mindset and a practical toolkit could transform you from an observer into an active, confident participant, ready to make meaningful connections?

Why Initiating Conversations Feels Tough (It's Not Just You!)

73% of expats report feeling isolated or lonely at some point during their international assignment, with a significant portion attributing this to difficulties in forming new social connections. It's not just a personal failing; the challenge of initiating conversations at expat events is a widely shared experience. Moving to a new country like Germany, Spain, or the Netherlands throws you into a melting pot of cultures, languages, and social norms, all of which can amplify existing social anxieties.

The fear of saying the "wrong thing," misinterpreting a cultural cue, or simply being perceived as awkward can be paralyzing. You might stand at a language exchange in Berlin, watching animated groups, feeling a knot in your stomach. Or perhaps at a pub quiz in Dublin, you cling to the edge of your small group, hoping someone from another table will magically invite you over. This passive approach, while understandable, often leads to missed opportunities for genuine connection.

"The biggest barrier to connection isn't a lack of interest from others, but our own internal resistance to vulnerability and the fear of the unknown."

Cultural differences also play a significant role. What's considered polite small talk in one country might feel intrusive in another. This uncertainty can make overcome social awkwardness expat life even harder, leading many to default to silence. It’s crucial to remember that this struggle is part of the expat journey, not a reflection of your social abilities.

Understanding these common fears is the first step to overcoming them.

The Power of a Proactive Mindset: From Observer to Participant

Research shows that proactive individuals report higher levels of life satisfaction and social integration. Shifting your mindset from passively waiting to actively participating is the single most powerful change you can make when aiming to make friends new city events. Instead of hoping others will approach you exclusively, understand that many people at expat meetups feel the exact same way you do – slightly nervous, but eager to connect.

Consider the "expectation gap." If everyone at an expat social event in Amsterdam or Rome is waiting to be approached, very few conversations will ever start. By deciding to be the one who initiates, you're not just helping yourself; you're creating an opportunity for someone else who might be too shy to take the first step. This proactive stance transforms you from a potential victim of circumstance into an agent of your own social success.

Initiating conversations isn't an innate talent; it's a skill that can be developed and refined. Think of it like learning a new language or navigating a foreign public transport system. The first attempts might feel clunky, but with practice, it becomes more natural. Embrace the idea that a brief moment of discomfort can lead to a lasting friendship. This mindset empowers you to take control of your social experiences and actively engage in socializing at meetups.

Taking a proactive approach empowers you to forge the connections you desire.

Your Toolkit: Easy Conversation Starters for Expat Events

The dreaded "what do I say?" moment can freeze anyone. But effective conversation starters expats use are often simple, open-ended, and genuinely curious. The goal isn't to deliver a perfect line, but to open a door for interaction. Here’s a practical toolkit to help you initiate conversations expat events without feeling like you're performing a monologue.

Here are some go-to openers for various situations:

Remember, the best starter is one that feels natural to you. Practice them mentally, and don't be afraid to adapt them to the specific context of an expat happy hour in Barcelona or a cultural workshop in Prague.

✅ Checklist for Effective Conversation Starters:

A few simple phrases can unlock a world of connections at expat gatherings.

Beyond the Hello: Keeping the Chat Engaging & Authentic

So, you've successfully initiated a conversation. Great! Now, the next challenge is to keep it from becoming a stilted interview or fizzling out into awkward silence. The key to engaging and authentic conversations is active listening and genuine curiosity. Instead of waiting for your turn to speak, truly listen to what the other person is saying.

Ask follow-up questions that delve deeper into their responses. If someone mentions they moved to Paris for a job in tech, you could ask, "What kind of tech are you working on?" or "How have you found the tech scene here compared to your home country?" This shows you're engaged and interested in their unique experience. Share your own relevant experiences too, but avoid dominating the conversation. It's a dance, not a monologue.

"Authenticity is not something we have or don't have. It's a practice – a conscious choice of how we want to live." – Brené Brown

Finding common ground is often easier than you think among expats. The shared experience of navigating a new culture, dealing with bureaucracy, or missing familiar foods are universal themes. You might bond over the challenge of learning Finnish in Helsinki, or the delightful discovery of a hidden gem cafe in Rome. These shared vulnerabilities and triumphs build rapport.

Here are some steps to keep the conversation flowing naturally:

  1. Listen Actively: Pay attention not just to the words, but the sentiment behind them.
  2. Ask Follow-Up Questions: Show genuine interest by asking for more details or clarification.
  3. Share, Don't Monopolize: Offer your own relevant anecdotes or opinions, but ensure it's a two-way exchange.
  4. Look for Commonalities: Actively seek out shared interests, experiences, or challenges.
  5. Be Present: Put your phone away, maintain eye contact, and focus on the person in front of you.

Sometimes, finding shared activities is the easiest way to bridge the initial conversation gap. Many expats use apps like Meetup.com or Joiner to find groups focused on specific hobbies – from board games in London to hiking groups in the Swiss Alps. Discussing these shared interests can naturally lead to deeper conversations and plans for future meet-ups, making it easier to make friends new city events and feel more integrated.

Authentic engagement comes from genuine curiosity and shared experiences, not just perfect words.

Making It Stick: How to Follow Up (Without Being Awkward)

A great conversation at an expat event is a fantastic start, but the real magic happens in the follow-up. This is where a casual chat can evolve into a genuine friendship. Many people hesitate here, fearing they might seem pushy or awkward. However, a thoughtful and timely follow-up is often appreciated, especially in a new city where everyone is looking to build their network. This is a crucial step in building expat friendship tips.

The best time to suggest a follow-up is usually at the end of a positive conversation. If you've connected over a shared interest – say, a love for indie films or a desire to explore more of Vienna's coffee houses – that's your natural opening.

✅ Checklist for Good Follow-Up Opportunities:

Examples of natural follow-up phrasing:

Once you have their contact information, send a brief message within 24-48 hours. Reference something specific from your conversation to jog their memory and show you were genuinely engaged. For example: "Hey [Name], it was great meeting you at the [event name] last night! Really enjoyed hearing about your experience living in [previous city]. Let me know if you're free for that coffee next week!"

"Friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation." – George Washington

Don't take it personally if a follow-up doesn't lead to an immediate meet-up. People are busy, plans change, and sometimes the timing just isn't right. The effort itself is a testament to your proactive approach in make friends new city events. Keep putting yourself out there.

Thoughtful follow-up transforms casual chats into potential lasting friendships.

Find Your Tribe: Joiner for Stress-Free Group Activities

Even with the best conversation starters and follow-up strategies, initiating one-on-one chats can still feel daunting for some. This is where the power of shared group activities comes in. Engaging in an activity together provides a natural framework for interaction, reduces pressure, and often leads to more organic conversations. Instead of having to conjure topics out of thin air, you have the activity itself as a built-in conversation starter. This makes socializing at meetups much easier.

Imagine you're at a pottery class in Copenhagen, a cooking workshop in Milan, or a guided city walk in Budapest. The focus is on the activity, not solely on making small talk. You're naturally interacting with others as you learn, create, or explore. This shared experience creates an immediate bond and provides easy conversational prompts: "How's your [pottery piece/dish] coming along?" or "Have you done this type of [activity] before?"

Platforms designed for connecting people through shared interests are invaluable for this. Joiner is specifically built for this purpose, helping expats and locals in European cities discover and participate in group activities. Whether it's a casual Sunday brunch, a board game night, a photography walk, or a language exchange, these structured events remove much of the anxiety associated with traditional networking. They provide a safe, pre-vetted environment where everyone present has a common purpose: to enjoy an activity and meet new people.

"The fastest way to build connection is to share a meaningful experience."

These group activities are excellent for building your confidence. You'll find yourself naturally chatting with people as you engage in the activity, and the pressure to perform or come up with clever lines diminishes significantly. It's a fantastic way to ease into make friends new city events without the initial high-stakes feeling of a purely social mixer.

Group activities on platforms like Joiner provide a natural, low-pressure environment for building connections.