The Unspoken Truths: Avoid Expat Regrets in Europe

Moving to Europe can give you the cobblestone streets and sunset drinks you imagined, alongside lonely weekends and paperwork you cannot decipher. Expat regrets do not automatically mean the move was a mistake, but they deserve more attention than another reminder to enjoy the adventure.

Expect adjustment, not a permanent holiday.
Loneliness and happiness can coexist abroad.
Build connection through repeat contact, not just introductions.
Seek support early when everyday life feels unmanageable.

Instagram vs. Reality: What the Highlight Reel Leaves Out

The appeal of Paris, Berlin or Rome is real: unfamiliar streets to explore, a different rhythm of life, and the possibility of starting fresh. But a beautiful setting does not remove your need for friendship, stability or a doctor you can communicate with.

Living somewhere is different from visiting it. On holiday, a confusing interaction can become a funny story; when it affects your housing, healthcare or residence documents, it can leave you feeling powerless.

A new city will make everyday life exciting. | Ordinary chores still exist, often with unfamiliar rules and extra effort. Friendships will happen naturally once I arrive. | Meeting people is a beginning; closeness usually needs repeated contact. Learning the language will solve integration. | Language helps, but belonging also involves relationships, routines and cultural understanding. If the move is right, I will feel happy. | A worthwhile move can still include homesickness, frustration and doubt.

Happiness does not tell the whole story

InterNations’ Expat Insider 2024 findings show why “Are you happy abroad?” is not enough to capture the experience. You can appreciate your new life while feeling disappointed by your social life or struggling to connect with local people.

These are global findings, not Europe-specific results, and they cannot predict your experience in a particular city. Their useful message is simpler: enjoying life abroad does not necessarily mean feeling socially settled.

Plan for an ordinary day

Before moving, imagine a working weekday rather than a sightseeing weekend. Think about commuting, buying groceries, sorting out a prescription and deciding whom you would call after a difficult day.

If you have already arrived, use that same exercise to identify what is missing. Sometimes “I hate living here” really means “My commute is exhausting, I have no familiar routines, and I do not know anyone I can ask for help.”

Make a settling-in list alongside your sightseeing list: include healthcare access, essential documents, a manageable weekly routine and somewhere you can regularly meet people.

Common Expat Regrets and Their Emotional Weight

Regret often arrives after the excitement has softened but before a new life feels established. You may have somewhere to live and a functioning bank account, yet still feel as though you are borrowing someone else’s city.

The disappointment can be difficult to admit, especially when people back home keep telling you how lucky you are. Gratitude and distress are not opposites: you can value an opportunity and still find it painful.

Homesickness is more than missing people

You might miss speaking without searching for words, knowing how a workplace conversation will unfold, or finding a familiar snack without reading every label. What you are grieving is not just a place, but the ease of being understood within it.

Staying in touch with home can help, but constantly comparing your new life with your old one can make the present feel like a poor substitute. Try to notice the specific comfort you need, whether that is familiarity, reassurance or companionship, rather than treating every homesick moment as a verdict on the move.

Missing home does not prove you belong nowhere else. It tells you that something important needs care.

Loneliness can hide inside a busy social life

A full calendar does not guarantee connection. You can attend meetups, chat with colleagues and exchange contact details without having anyone you feel comfortable calling when things go wrong.

Existing friendship circles may be difficult to enter, while internationally mobile friends may leave just as you become close. That does not make those relationships pointless, but it helps explain why rebuilding a social life can feel more demanding than simply “putting yourself out there.”

Look for reciprocity, not just availability. A promising connection is someone who shows interest, follows through and makes space for you, not necessarily the person you meet at the biggest event.

Integration includes the unglamorous details

Practical friction takes up emotional space. A confusing letter or an unsuccessful appointment can feel minor in isolation, but harder to absorb when everything else also requires concentration.

Administration: Address registration, residence paperwork, tax identification and banking may involve unfamiliar processes; check current official requirements for your situation.
Language: Everyday competence does not always extend to humour, medical conversations or explaining a complicated problem.
Unwritten expectations: Invitations, workplace feedback and neighbourly interaction can work differently, even between households or workplaces in the same city.
Access to help: Without an established network, you may not know whom to ask about a reliable service, a difficult landlord or an unexpected bill.

Keep essential documents and official guidance organised, and prepare unfamiliar vocabulary before important appointments so you are not solving everything under pressure.

Constant adaptation can wear you down

Always translating, observing and checking whether you have understood correctly can leave you mentally tired. You may also miss the version of yourself who was funny, capable and confident without having to work so hard at it.

A changed job, interrupted career or reduced independence can sharpen that feeling. You have not become less capable because familiar skills are harder to use in an unfamiliar setting.

Watch for changes in sleep, concentration, motivation or your willingness to leave home. These signs do not establish a diagnosis, but they are worth taking seriously rather than dismissing as the price of an adventurous life.

If distress persists, worsens or disrupts daily life, seek support from a qualified mental health professional rather than assuming you simply need more time to adjust.

There is also room to reassess the move itself. Staying is not automatically brave, and returning home or choosing somewhere else is not automatically failure.

Try separating problems you can change from conditions you cannot reasonably accept. A missing routine may improve with support; an unaffordable living situation or incompatible circumstances may call for a different decision.

Build a Support System Before You Feel Fully Settled

You do not need to become outgoing overnight. A useful support system combines people who understand you, places where you feel welcome and practical help when something goes wrong.

Different relationships can meet different needs. A friend back home may understand your history, a local acquaintance may help you navigate the neighbourhood, and another newcomer may understand why an ordinary appointment exhausted you.

Create an anchor routine | Choose an accessible class, club or volunteering opportunity you can attend regularly. Practise useful language | Learn phrases for everyday interactions and use them in low-pressure settings. Follow up on promising connections | Suggest a specific, manageable activity after a conversation you enjoyed. Keep home relationships active | Arrange calls or messages that fit your life without crowding out local experiences. Add practical and professional support | Identify official information channels, healthcare options and qualified counselling before you urgently need them.

Choose repetition over constant novelty

A language class, walking group, community garden or sports club gives you a reason to see familiar faces again. Repeated contact lets conversations develop without requiring you to introduce your entire life story every time.

Choose something you would genuinely enjoy even if friendship takes time. If you dislike loud venues, forcing yourself through networking nights may drain the energy you need for a quieter setting that suits you better.

Check practical barriers before committing: travel time, cost, accessibility and language expectations all matter. The most useful group is not the most impressive option, but one you can comfortably keep attending.

Make the next invitation easy to accept

“Let’s hang out sometime” leaves both people with a task to solve. “Would you like a coffee after class?” offers a clear next step without asking for a major commitment.

If someone declines, you can leave the door open without repeatedly chasing them. Friendships require initiative, but they should not become an audition in which you do all the work.

After an enjoyable activity, follow up while the conversation is still fresh and suggest something connected to the interest you already share.

Use expat communities without judging yourself

Other newcomers can offer practical advice, empathy and companionship that make a difficult week easier. You do not need to avoid expat friendships to prove you are integrating properly.

At the same time, leave room for relationships beyond your nationality, workplace or newcomer status. Local clubs and volunteering can create shared experiences that are not centred on the challenges of living abroad.

Belonging does not have to come from a single close-knit group. It can grow across familiar places, dependable routines and relationships that deepen at different speeds.

Protect your energy as well as your calendar

Social plans work better when they leave room for rest. An evening at home is not a setback, especially after a demanding workday or difficult appointment.

Maintain activities that make you feel like yourself, whether that means cooking familiar food, exercising, reading or practising your faith. These are not distractions from integration; they can provide enough stability to keep engaging with a new environment.

If counselling would help, look for a qualified professional who can work in a language you are comfortable using. Ask about availability, fees, relevant experience and whether your insurance covers the service.

Review what is helping

Notice where you feel more relaxed, which connections are reciprocal and which commitments leave you consistently depleted. Adjusting your approach is more useful than interpreting every awkward interaction as evidence that you cannot belong.

Progress may look ordinary: recognising someone at a class, asking a neighbour a question or having a person to message about the weekend. Small signs of familiarity matter, even before you would describe the city as home.

How Joiner Can Help You Find a Starting Point

Sometimes the hardest part is not wanting friendship, but finding a comfortable way to begin. An activity gives you something to do together, so the meeting does not depend entirely on making conversation from scratch.

Joiner is an app for making friends through small group activities. It offers a way to turn the vague intention to meet people into a shared experience.

Its Dinner with Strangers format puts six people at a table, matched by language, interests and age. Having a meal to focus on can make an introduction feel more manageable, although matching cannot guarantee chemistry or friendship.

Treat the activity as an opening

The value of an organised gathering is the opportunity to meet, not a promise that everyone will become close. Go with curiosity about the people there rather than pressure to solve your social life in an evening.

Use the shared setting: Talk about the meal, the activity or what brought people along.
Look beyond expat logistics: Ask about interests and routines, not only jobs and moving stories.
Notice mutual interest: Give promising conversations room to continue without forcing a connection.
Follow up naturally: If you both enjoyed talking, suggest another activity linked to that conversation.

Choose an activity you would enjoy anyway, and treat a pleasant conversation as a worthwhile outcome even if it does not lead to an immediate friendship.

Joiner can sit alongside local clubs, language exchanges, volunteering and existing friendships. An app can help arrange an introduction; trust and closeness still develop through what happens afterwards.

If you would like an easier starting point, consider exploring an activity on Joiner or returning to a local group you enjoyed. You do not need to build an entire community at once, just give a connection somewhere to begin.

FAQ

Is it normal to regret moving abroad?

Doubts can arise when the excitement of moving meets unfamiliar routines, loneliness or practical difficulties. They do not automatically mean the move was wrong, but persistent distress deserves attention rather than pressure to stay positive.

How can I make friends abroad if I am introverted?

Choose recurring, interest-based activities where conversation can happen alongside something you enjoy, rather than relying on large social gatherings. Give yourself time to recover between events and follow up with people whose company feels comfortable and reciprocal.

Do I need local friends to feel at home?

Local friendships can deepen your understanding of a place, but meaningful support can also come from other expats and people back home. Aim for relationships that sustain you while staying open to participating in the community around you.

When should I reconsider staying abroad?

Reconsider when your circumstances consistently conflict with your needs, values, safety or financial stability, especially if realistic adjustments are not helping. Talk through your options with trusted people or an appropriate professional, remembering that changing direction is not a personal failure.

Sources

The findings cited here describe expats globally and should not be treated as predictions for a particular European destination or individual.